One of my best friends texted me a picture of me (that's me on the top left-hand side) when we lived together in our early 20’s. We were all so young and happy (or at least we thought we were). I looked at myself and marveled at how young I looked. How pretty I was, even though I did not think that at the time, and how happy I was in the picture. My friend said, “You are even more beautiful now because you are truly happy.”
That made me sad for younger me who did not know what she had at the time. It made me want to have the ability to go back into the past and tell her that her life is going to turn out to be so much more than she ever hoped. I do remember being that young and looking the way I did. Putting myself down, wishing I was as pretty and as fit as my friends who had all the guys. I remember how funny people used to say I was. I remember the cutting jokes and passive aggressive, snarky young girl I was. Using my humor as a shield, trying to fit in with everyone and saying clever things to get a laugh and be liked by others.
I look back and wish that I knew what I know now, and I ponder how differently my life may have turned out. I believe now that my life was planned out before I ever came out of the womb and everything that ever happened to me was to make me stronger and get me to where I am today. But back then I was seeking even though I was not aware. I wanted so badly to know that everything was going to be ok. I wanted to know I would have enough money to pay my bills, that someone would love me enough to want to marry me, that I wasn’t going to muck up my life and that it would turn out good.
Today, it doesn’t matter if I have enough money, money related things just always seem to take care of themselves and there is always food on the table, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I now know that I did not muck up my life and I experience joy and bliss on a daily basis, something young Angela or even middle-aged Angela would have EVER dreamed possible. And, I did find someone to love me and did marry me and does love me. But even better than all my dreams, I now love myself! Something that most of us just maybe see in a movie or hear some guru talking about on Oprah. But thankfully, love did find me. And that feeling is LIFE CHANGING. Once you peek behind the curtain, it is very hard to go back to your old way of life. It is like that thing that you saw one time and you can’t unsee but in a good way. Once you experience this feeling, you believe that you and every person on the planet should feel this way and you find yourself wondering what the world would be like if we all found this out for ourselves.
That is why I started Safe Space Healing. Because I found a few women mentors who took me under their wings. I started seeking a different way of life and I found it. It was not always easy but the more and more I worked on myself, replacing outdated and dysfunctional programming, and believing that if I was able to attack every bad memory, every traumatic event, I would come out on the other side all sparkly and happy. Some days I back track a little, but I catch myself so much quicker and I retrain my brain to choose a new way of thinking. Once you learn that trick, life will NEVER be the same.
Let me pay it forward, let me take you under my wings and teach you how to LOVE YOURSELF. Let me share with you what I have been working on, polishing, and honing, turning the nugget into a diamond. I'll be here waiting on you.